The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I had a dream the other night that I was crawling through a cave. It was a genuine spelunking experience, with stalagtites and stalagmites, and mud and water dripping.

The thing about it was, I could see where I was going. The whole narrow cave was lit up, as if by a light on a camera. I felt like I was in one of those history channel experiences, you know the ones, where the man intones that he is going to be the "first" to explore this dark, underground place, but we see him enter, so we know that the one who really got there first was the cameraman?

When I woke, I remembered a Monty Python sketch wherein all of the characters realize they are being filmed, and look for the cameraman, find him, then realize they are still being filmed, so search for THAT cameraman, and so on in infinite regress.

"Someone's watching us," Bette Midler sang, but most of our experiences of being watched in this way are more close up than her "from a distance."

Which I learned in another way today from the man who'd come to replace my wind-shredded awning. Like a lot of guys in businesses having to do with roofing, this awning salesman was in recovery, and not shy about saying so. No wonder. He had quite a testimony! (He thanked me for listening, saying not too many other people tolerate his preaching. I told him I knew what he meant!)

He recounted with some bravado some of the life-threatening experiences he had survived-- including three marriages!-- but "survived" wasn't his word. He spoke more of being "brought through," as in guided. "I was being watched," he said.

In addition to his three marriages, which led me to think about my own (we were like "brothers" in a now life-long marriage-recovery program!), one of his adventures was a car accident that nearly took his life. This, too, led me to think of one car accident I'd had. Like him, I'd done a lot while in shock that I wasn't aware of doing at the time. And like him, afterward, I knew I was still alive because I was in a lot of pain. But also like him, I had the experience of being "brought through:" not just watched, as if the Watcher either had no interest in the outcome or couldn't do anything about it anyway; but something more hands on... Involved... The cameraman may be taking the picture but he is also shining the light.

And he's walking backwards, while facing forwards, his eyes on me...

Maybe this is God's singular saving capacity: to be able to walk backwards, with sure steps and bold, yet keep us in sight as we are brought through our peril and led safely home. Amazing Grace!