Survival of the Lucky

A Parade magazine article a couple weeks back (Jan. 11) trumpeted: "You Can SURVIVE! 9 Ways to Stay Alive When the Worst Happens." Its author, Ben Sherwood, trombones his research: "Is it just luck when somebody makes it though a catastrophic accident or illness? After interviewing hundreds of survivors and experts from around the world, I've found that overcoming adversity comes down to a combination of factors. Here's how you can increase your own chances of surviving and thriving."

Since "surviving and thriving" in the face of adversity is of some professional interest to me (see dealwithchange.com), Mr. Sherwood got me at word one. Unfortunately, at least in the instances he mentions, it turns out it truly IS mostly luck-- along with a little good positioning. Let me add my own baritone voice to this brassy choir.

Situation One: Escape a Plane Crash: Surviving this, Sherwood says, turns on knowing where to sit. Seats near an exit row are "safer." Caveat One: We learned recently that surviving a plane crash might depend less on where one sits than who sits in the pilot seat! Caveat Two: If you are Muslim or look like you might be Muslim, don't have this "safer seat" discussion after you get on the plane. A couple of weeks ago a Muslim couple were escorted off a plane for doing just that, because some passengers were alarmed at their conversation! The money they spent for their aborted flight was returned to them, but the airline did not pay for booking them on another, later flight... I don't know what happened to their luggage. Such are ethics and etiquette in a post-9/11 world.

Situation Two: Get Out of a Hotel Fire: Lesson: don't take a room higher than fire ladders can reach!

Situations Three and Four: Don't be admitted into nor discharged from a hospital on a Friday or a weekend. In other words, time your illnesses and recoveries for when hospitals are adequately staffed. Good luck with that!

Situation Five has to do with the initials of your name! You'll do better, evidently if you so name yourself that your initials spell out something positive, like ACE, WIN, or WOW, as opposed to those whose have "bad" connotations, like RAT, BUM, or SAD. What about those of us whose initials spell a color? My father's are: RED. And how does it work if, say, in your monogram your last initial is in the middle, and your middle, last? I mean, can one rearrange one's initials so that they spell something that increases one's chances or surviving-- or even, thriving?

Situation Six: Turns out, if you're planning on risking a cardiac arrest, go to Vegas. There are more defibrillators there-- and Someone is always watching!

Situation Seven: To "walk away from an accident," sit in the middle of the back seat... If only I could drive from there...

Situation Eight is essentially being extra careful when walking across a street on Halloween, Dec. 23, and New Years Day... OK, so Christmas Eve and Christmas are safe?

Situation Nine amounts to "research" that men are prone to die just before their birthdays and women, just after. My mother died the week before hers, but then, it was observed that she wore the pants in our family... (Just kidding, Dad!)

All of this drivel would be nothing more than attributed meaning if Mr. Sherwood were not serious enough about the conclusions he jumped to, to publish them in an upcoming book, with the subtitle, "The Secrets and Science That Could Save Your Life."

I think his so-called research just goes to substantiate one of my favorite sayings of Mark Twain: "There are lies, damned lies, and statistics!"

Watch out for yourself! It's a dangerous world out there!