Mothers' Little Helper

One of the advantages of having a grandchild is that her mother reads all sorts of material that otherwise would never gain entry into their house and my world.

On a recent visit, I was shown the magazine Cookie, subtitled, "All the Best for Your Family." One article about this "best" in the September 22 issue was "The Cookie 100: 18 Pages of People, Places and Things that Make Moms Happy."

Following the premise, the article's lead admitted that the selections were "random," ranging from ketchup to Pixar to mascara! "But slid under the mom microscope, each product, service, person, or trend selected by the Cookie editors is as integral to our maternal well-being as the bedtime ritual or the synced family calendar." "In short, they are the things that make moms happy. Because when you're happy, it usually means everyone else is too."

On this basis my daughter showed me item #1: "Creamy Crayons:" "chubby beginner crayons" in "intense, rainbows-on-steroids colors." Ah, yes, what mother wouldn't be happy with her child's drawings in steroid-amped vibrancy! Much happier than with your fuddy duddy Crayolas, I imagine.

Lest you think my emphasis on the "drug" reference unfair, Number Two of the Top 100 things that make moms happy was: Cocktail Hour! Yes, Cocktail Hour: "the one hour of the day that no sticky fingers can sully, no high-octane tantrum can hijack." (Yes, I'm quoting here.)

I am not making this up! Not even fingers got sticky from drawing with steroidal crayons can disturb the mother who is attending to her own happiness during cocktail hour! And you know, the mom who has a drink or two in her before dinner just might be a "happy" mom. And if one's child throws one of those pesky, annoying, over-the-top tantrums, perhaps trying to get her attention-- well, pour another round! The crying might not stop but after a few smooth ones, mom will hardly hear it anyway. And perhaps when there is this sort of "happy" mom around, everyone else will be "happy" too? Or maybe just free to seek their own "happiness."

What's even better is that #3 on the list is "Family Cookbooks," in case a now "happy" mom might like to remember to do some menu planning or maybe even some cooking. The cookbook suggestions are good ones, too. One of them even "belongs in every kitchen, whether you're a parent or childless, young or old, human or alien." Or, maybe, intoxicated.

The thing is, the misuse and abuse of alcohol is widespread enough already to be a major public health issue. And if their Top 100 list reflects the Cookie editors' personal priorities, this is really quite scary because the behavior and attitudes they are encouraging are probably their own. Certainly, no one at the magazine thought it might be the least bit inappropriate to be saying that Cocktail Hour was "as integral to our maternal well-being as the bed-time ritual or the synced family calendar." Maybe they did their editing after a cocktail hour of their own.

Think of the social implications they are encouraging. Evidently, our psycho-therapeutic professionals and alcoholism- and drug-treatment facilities are not already blessed with sufficient numbers of patients. Or perhaps, we do not yet have enough adult children of alcoholics suffering through life--many of whom are seeking the same "happiness" their mothers (and fathers did) during their cocktail hours.

The thing is, people who would see Cocktail Hour as not only "normal" or "usual" but "integral" were most likely raised by mothers and in homes where it surely was! More, they are likely raising their children in such environments.

I have no idea what the immediate impact of Cookie's advocacy will be. But just the other day, I was talking with a group of businessmen about how the business day had changed over the last decade or so. Less booze in it, was the consensus. The infamous "three martini lunch" a thing of the past, they said. Then I read the Cookie piece. Maybe the three martini lunch is destined to come back.